How It All Began

People often ask me when or how I knew I wanted to be a writer. They also often ask why I decided to become one.

The more I think about it, the more I realise the inaccuracies in questions like these. You see, I didn't just decide one day that I wanted to be a writer.
Rather, I am a writer. It's as innate part of who I am.

I have always been a writer. I was one of those kids who always used to get told off for gazing out of the window and daydreaming at school. I made stories up to entertain myself since before I can even really remember.

I guess I was about seven or eight when I started actually writing them down, though I kept them hidden and never let anybody read them. Looking back, I don't know why I was embarrassed. I suppose I made the stories up for myself, first.

I never really stopped completely, though I went through phases of writing more than at other times. I think I was twelve when it became something I did regularly, and I haven't really stopped since.

I got through some of the most vicious days of bullying by comforting myself with stories – stories where I cast myself in the heroine's role and always had the last laugh in the end. Aged fourteen, I wrote a painfully truthful story about bullying, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I remember my English teacher (who was fantastic) reading it, looking me in the eyes, and saying something like, 'this is real, isn't it?'

In class, I would always be scribbling bits of stories or lines of poetry or song lyrics on pages torn from my books when nobody was looking. My pencil case was filled with slips of paper with half-formed ideas on them. I quickly learned to write things down as soon as they came into my head. Inspiration, I learned, does not wait conveniently until 'after class is over.'

People used to laugh at me for it, of course. Even my friends would groan and roll their eyes if I mentioned that I was writing something new. So I simply stopped talking about it. But I kept doing it, because I needed to. Because I am a writer, and the words wouldn't stop forming themselves in my head and needing to be written down. I still have some of the things I wrote in those days - plays, mostly, and lots of song lyrics - though I imagine they will never leave the safety of a tucked-away folder on my computer.

So that's how it began. I caught the writing bug so early that I cannot even remember it happening, and it never left me.

Nowadays, I try to look on all life experience as material to draw on when I need it. When I start writing, I lose myself in it. I can forget to eat, forget to sleep, lose hours, forget everything. I need to do this. Because this is who I am.